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Category Archives: Mental Health

Reflections 2019 w39

One has jut had a Holliday in wales again. Wet, windy and a lack of fish in the sea.

Not all the weather was wet to be honest, myself and my brother had a couple of afternoons sitting in stunning little bays watching hundreds of ferry swimming around below our feet, just no larger ones to catch on the hook. Luckily for me the views are the main part of the fishing, catching is a rare bonus.

However, my brother and I did look like we were fishing at different seasons. I was in shorts and he was in a quilted jacket, thick trousers and complaining he was cold.

One has been taken off my anti psychotic meds now, and the anxiety attacks are getting worse. Until it can be proven that my pain medication is/or is not causing the rash/bleaching of my skin it is in the great wisdom of the psych team to not place me on any meds for my mental health.

Which would not be a problem if the medication was just part of the treatment plan, as I was told it would be 8 years ago. But it is not, so how low one has to go before they change their mind we will have to see. I suppose it all depends on how quickly I get through the tranquillisers one has for emergencies.

I hate this treatment ‘plan’.

Reflections 2019 w36

This weeks reflections is going to be a little different, and I apologies in advance for those that read these and my poetry releases – there is going to be a double up.

All of us at some point will have to experience this, in fact it is probable the only thing in life we CAN guarantee…

My heart goes out to those sharing the feelings that this time brings.

So here is the (amended) poem…

 

JOE

 

TV now stands quiet,

We’ve no need now to shout.

For Uncle Joe, he was quite deaf,

When hearing aids fell out.

 

No – “Oh, Hello.”

Followed by a smile.

His chair it sits empty now,

It has done for a while.

 

We’re not here a visit,

But sorting what is left.

Wonder what this item is?

And, Why was this thing kept?

 

Memories we’re a sharing,

Whilst doing this last task.

With fondness and with laughter,

What more can we now ask?

 

What things we find of value,

Will those that we will leave?

More precious are the memories,

To those that do bereave.

 

I hear the clock a ticking,

Just like those at Nan’s.

Noise level is a matching,

Dried peas n shake tin cans.

 

Yes everything is leaving,

All of it must go.

We’ve said  our last fare-well,

To my,

Uncle Joe.

 

Rest in peace.

Reflections 2019 w33

When do you say “goodbye” to a dementia patient?

Sounds a bit mean does it not? However it is a genuine question on perspective.

The person is still the person despite the dementia, though at times their mind is not ‘here’, the feelings for the person are the same, they may even be stuck in the struggle to find – words, or mentally in a place thats different altogether.

And is that goodbye for the persons benefit; or is it for our own?

Does the goodbye need recognition for it to be validated? Or does it not count if it is forgotten when they close their eyes for just a little while?

And why do we feel the need for it, or carry the guilt for not saying it before the final goodbye ceremony of a funeral. Which makes it seem like it has to be at least said to the living.

But when your mind blanks areas of ones mind they are no longer accessible. It is as though it never happened. So who’s perspective holds the power of the goodbye?

We are not the only species to do funerals, it has been recorded that crows do it, even to the extent of holding a silence and a gathering at the final resting place of a fallen crow. Crows also tell stories to their young much like our stories of things to watch out for. So this gets me to thinking as to whether or not they also feel the need to say goodbye, and  do they also feel guilty if they do not?

Or do we need to make every goodbye the last goodbye, carried on a smile and with a warmth in our hearts. Letting the person know that we care, and that we value the time spent with them.

Maybe thats what the crows do, because can we really say when our goodbye is going to count?

 

Mare’s Field…#Poem

Mare’s Field

Tales of a pond,

Nay, there be two.

Whispers in playground

of what we should do.

Sneak over the road,

and find the red path.

Shrouded by talk trees,

we giggle and laugh.

Follow the leader,

who’s been there before.

Telling us stories 

of what is in store.

Frog spawn and tadpoles,

the stickle back fish.

Something called newt,

to see it we wish.

Crested the first hill

and broke through the trees.

masses of bankside,

our little eye sees.

Follow the footpath,

go down and go up.

Sharing a bottle,

each taking a sup.

Onward we venture,

to crest one more hill.

There in its glory,

Gleams pond water still.

This was our first time 

’twas never our last.

Mare’s field’s our future,

our present, our past.

Remember the pleasure

you had in this park.

Maybe go wander,

when life looking stark.

 

A § M 

05/06/2019

Reflections 2019 w31

Do you ever think about going into a nursing home?

Not a care home, where you may be fully functional but you want that little bit more security and safety, with less housekeeping hassles. A nursing home where you need help with the basic living needs.

Ohh, I’ll cross that bridge when I get there…This I recon petty much sums up our viewpoint on the matter. But you don’t get there if you get something like dementia.

Then it’s up to your family to sort it out, and to try and explain where you are when you may not have the short term memory to remember what you have been told.

Suddenly you wake in a strange place that is not your home.

I’ve been on a mental ward with dementia/Alzheimer patients, one kept flitting back to being a teenager, or in a park where she had lost her son, or clear moments of vivid memory, seemingly ok. Another person was not in such a ‘good’ state. He thought, because he could not leave, he was unjustly arrested and being held prisoner without being charged, escape was on his mind all the time, and several times he did. Though he never got far. He never believed he was in a hospital.

One chap had incontinence issues and was protesting being in the pads by scooping up his business, if he had not made it to the loo on time, this was always the nurses fault, and spreading it around the walls of the corridor.

Shame it would appear is one of the last emotions to leave you. Anger stokes the flames. It has to have one last dig at what you have become, status nor money will effect it. And it is, at that point, too late to make changes to your routine to delay its onset.

Maybe we should all be thinking about it, so we can do something now to help delay it, maybe altogether.

Gratitude…#Poem

Gratitude

Maybe my Gratitude

was met with a platitude,

until I started to think.

What if ones Gratitude,

with a change of my attitude,

allows for the good vibes to sink.

No longer in servitude,

or feeling of lassitude,

but nectar thats ready to drink.

Found not in solitude,

but part of a multitude,

In crash or simply a dink.

I now take an interlude,

to build on my fortitude,

find solace, instead of the brink.

 

A § M 

29/05/2019

Reflections 2019 w30

Last week I was not doing well with my mood, and I took medication for it. I have left that post as I wrote it because it shows something that most people see…The effect some medication has on someone as given as a ‘cure’ or ‘managment’.

When you hear that someone is on medication for something, you expect into get the person better, but that is not always the case with mental illness medication. The medication may help one area but make the person so un-functional they create new problems…Often we’re told that the symptoms will go away with time.

But is it that the symptoms go away or we just stop complaining about them to deaf ears. Ground down to the point of giving up. Known side effects of the medication dismissed as not connected.

Many people I know who have medication for mental illness create a routine AROUND the medications side effects.

This, to me, is not  helping the person to function normally, commonly presumed, nor is it going to improve the persons health. Starting the medications is like playing Russian roulette, you never know what negative side effect you are going to get – or if the side effect is going to get you sectioned again.

Taking medication for mental health can in itself create a whole lot of stress, confusion, depression and death.

And that ladies and gentlemen is just the anti depressants.

There are  no studies, as far as I am aware, that have found out what the side effects are when on multiple tablets all having similar side effects.

I am on one that affects my thyroid, so I now have thyroxine to take, this is known to be effected by my pain medication (told by a doctor). But there is no link, according to another doctor. And my thyroid is worsening.

All coincidence.

 

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