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Category Archives: Diary

Reflections 2019 w05

I bumped into my friend the other day whilst walking in the downpour we had. And, with not seeing each other for a long while, had a chat, as the rain got even heavier.

He was working, making a delivery, and had to wait for the homeowner; I was already sodden, due to leaving the house with no adequate rainwear. Light showers were forecast and my clothing matched that forecast, the lack of dark clouds also gave me the false confidence of going for the walk when we did.

So here we were, standing under what could have easily been a draining bathtub, water flowing off the few areas that where fully waterproof, both of us were soaked.

But it was not this that got me to thinking…

It was how differently we viewed the weather. I dislike the rain, there are exceptions – like the spring showers that can come out of nowhere, then disappear just as fast when shelter is found, not enough to get you wet, but enough to get you to steam when the sun shines once more, rainfall on a tent etc. But he said he preferred the rain, this cold, winter, drenching  – over the snow.

I prefer the snow, especially walking in it. One can get around the walk much dryer than the same amount of liquid in rain form. A good layer of insulation and the snow can sit on the jacket to be shaken off occasionally, even Spot collects it on her coat. One has yet to get stuck in the snow in this car, and the last time I had to abandon a car was over a decade ago. But he drives a van, and apparently they hate the snow. He does not particularly like driving/walking in the snow either.

To put this into perspective we are both the same age, both live in the same area and drive on similar roads, we experience the same weather.

Its not like he has worse weather conditions.

But one  wonders…

Do I see the weather through an artists eyes, or practical eyes. How he spoke it was practicalities for him. I can see both.

Which perspective shaped my view of the snow to the point of having to walk in it when it first comes. Or are there hidden memories locked away in the dark recesses of my mind that hold the key to my positive viewpoint???


Reflections 2019 w04

Finally I have the pattern for the fox head at the correct size, at least for machine sewing it together, a note one will have to make when making a pattern again.

I do not know why the pattern comes out slightly larger when the masking tape is transferred to a flat plane, but apparently it does a little, well it does with this combination of modelling medium and this masking tape, it was a pain to get it ‘stick’ to the model maybe that has something to do with it. We will see in the future.

One now appreciates the cost for the patterns now that the time has been put in to get it to where it is at the moment, it could do the head as it is, but one is playing with the pattern to equalise the seams on the face.

Overall, one is happy with the second prototype head. This allows me to see where the final shape can be created with some more hand stitching as construction joints, the head is being stuffed rather than skinning a foam head like with the puppets. So the stitching will draw the facial features together where needed.

One has also played with the hair trimmer on the fur, and yes that is as messy as you would think, so the look should be as I imagined it to be.

Just the body, legs and tail to pattern out. It should be plain sailing after the legs are modelled.

Reflections 2018 w52

Ahh, the last one of the year and it’s late. Routine has been so disjointed I have only just realised it is the end of the week.

So now I write this on New Year’s Eve.

I could wish everyone a happy new year, and hope that next year is better than this one….but there are things in the future, looming overhead. A present that has been hastily wrapped, which may contain a gift, or a turd, no one knows for certain.  I just cannot see any good coming from it if fags, petrol and beer prices go up, it’ll be like a football team loosing a compotition , that already is excuse enough to go on a rampage for some.

No, next year will go down in history because we have made sure the spotlight is on us…

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman walk into the bar…

Which one will be the joke?

And why have the welshmen always been forgotten to be invited into the jokes?

Thank You

Over the last week I have passed the 100 mark for followers, something one would not have imagined at the start.

That sounds almost clichéd, and it appears almost everyone who puts work out onto the internet has the same self doubts, but I did this for me. It was my therapy. My work was even hidden from friends and family at the beginning.

And likes – everybody loves likes…

Well I’m – not sure, because the likes usually come with a connection. Something I have written has struck a chord with someone else, and from the comments I have had, sadly not for the better.

My work has found people that also struggle, that also find help; lacking.

I can only hope, and one does not use this word lightly, hope, that at least a sense of not being alone has helped at least one person to trudge on a little further, when your dragging a black dog behind you, one can only trudge. Or at least put into words what is felt so that it can be read by someone who does not know.

It is sad when kinship can be formed more easily after suffering, when a group of others suffering have found the place and security to drop their masks and be. But get the right group…And we can not only heal, but also grow.

One thing is for sure – without looking we will not find.

So please keep looking, and thank you for reading.


Reflections 2018 w49

This week I write just to keep my routine going, if one had a shell I would be in it I think.

My mind won’t focus and my body aches, I am begginning to think the pain is mind made to keep me inside, it’s worked. At least I stayed away from the bed.

Sometimes you just have to ride out the body shots and just get through, it’s group tomorrow so that means I have to go out. It should get the ball rolling again, and it should be dry, it’ll be a long walk for Spot and myself if it is I think.

Even when I don’t want to do anything, I still don’t want to not do this. One just has very little to say this week.

Reflections 2018 w48

Can writing be away to get rid of things that plague the mind? Even those we do not know are there.

Since writing poetry, as part go my self improvement, a note book and pen have always travelled with me, for those times one requires a distraction for my anxiety. I just need to find a place to sit and write – even if that is what I am currently thinking – literally anything will be written down. Sometimes it is like removing a blockage and a poem flows out.

Sometimes the shadows move to the fore and grab my attention, but with a sharp pointy object already in hand, they seem to be dealt with easier than when without.

But occasionally something comes from nowhere, gets written down and then disappears. With no indication that it was ever there – apart from the words written down.

Now many years ago I was told to keep a daily journal, to be honest it was never kept on. I was never told the purpose or point of it, and I still do not understand what use one is. But writing stories and poetry has me recording for a reason, a purpose. And taking notes has a point.

Taking notes did not come easily, for at the start, one was told what the theme for the next weeks poem would be. So ideas went into the book for that theme. Only becoming more diverse when the poetry bug had taken a hold and I was writing more than what was required by group.

Now if one has a journal like entry it is solely to get past a writing block. And will be kept for a future poem idea.

So when the bolt out of the blue comes, gets acknowledged, written down, there is a feeling of relief, that follows it; it does make me wonder –

how long has that been there?

Reflections 2018 w47

Tomorrow One once again does the Market Drayton round trip to get my nephew, a trip that as of late, due to my niece being in hospital, has ended up becoming an auto pilot route. Twice last week I had to be corrected before heading that way instead of the actual destination.

For the most part my mind likes the idea of routine and of patterns, except for my room. Here the creative depressive has a hold, occasionally it is sorted, but quickly it reverts to chaos when multiple projects are in the making.

But elsewhere, familiarity rules.

With familiarity comes safety, avoidance and boredom. Procrastination is an easy pattern to form, and can become a problem in itself.

On my last holiday one tried a little experiment with my green tea, the flavoured ones that is. Instead of just having the de-boxed flavour per labelled bag I mixed the tea bags together. Even the choice was haphazard, which is how one lot with mango and pineapple ended up in the mix, one does not like mango. Luckily it was more a mheghhh reaction than yuck.

Risky, but having no real shops by the campsite, and no way of re-sorting the bags to flavours, one knew the pick and mix would have to last until the end.

It was a stimulus idea, so that one could not get bored and look for a fizzy sugar laden alternative.

It kind of worked, but it had to be expanded to get to its full potential.

Now having finished off the last green tea and jasmine stored in the pantry, I once again have emptied different flavours into a bag. This time upping the mix to four different flavours.

One I know I like, one I know is mheghhh, and two I have yet to try. “Why the mango one?” I hear you ask. For some reason having four flavours that one likes seems to be the opposite of stimulus, and more toward comfort. And where is the fun in that?

Hopefully a little random can go a long way.