RSS Feed

Author Archives: A wander through the mind

Reflections…Week Forty

This week I have written and submitted a poem Man…#poetry#poem to Restoke’s – ManUp, they replied, very kindly offering to let me read my poem out loud at one of their events. To which I quickly turned them down. I am not at the point of being in the public light that much yet.

Never being the one for performing spoken word, I still feel the knots in my stomach from when I had to at High School in the English lessons, it was always something that one shied away from. Whilst this is the case, the inner person who has written the poem does not want to see someone else read it also. Oh the horror of it being read incorrectly.

I have a strange relationship with speech, with the ‘breakdown’ came a new way of speaking. Although the Dr’s have never worked out what caused the change or why, it does have links to Anxiety. The higher the Anxiety the more pronounced the problem. At one point it took my body painful contortions to get my words out, that leaves a mark on your memory. One I don’t wish to repeat.

One day my self esteem and self belief will be at a point that not only will I do spoken poetry, My poetry, but I will also be looking forward to it.

Maybe it will be the incorrect reading of my poetry by someone else that will break that barrier down.

We shall see.

 

www.awanderthroughthemind.co.uk/reflections-2017

Advertisements

Man…#Poem#poetry

A ‘Man’ cannot cry.
Emotion not show.
This is the lesson,
we learn as we grow.

Ridiculed in the school,
and ‘Gay” are we called.
If tears we do show,
for names that are called.

Character building,
is said it to be.
The spit in my hair,
and the blood on my knee.

The victim fights back,
and wins my first fight.
Then I get punished,
just how is that right?

The one became two,
and then became three.
I am the week one,
that’s what they tell me.

Complain I dare not,
and get called a ‘Girl.’
Try now to hide it,
will give it a whirl.

Now it is bottled,
tis working well.
Take home the pressure,
still we don’t tell.

__

If it leaks out,
you’r not a ‘Man.’
Too much to carry,
you’r not a ‘Man.’

Asking for help,
you’r not a ‘Man.’
Bought to your knees,
you’r not a ‘Man.’

__

We don’t ask for your help,
as it shows that we’re weak.
Admitting our problems,
tis a trait of the meek.

Then there’s the ‘New Man,’
we try to be both.
Still short of  – the ‘Man’s Man.’
it brings down his wroth.

I can’t be a ‘Man,’
and neither be ‘Me.’
To take one’s own life,
a chance to be “Free.’

Free from the standard,
of the word – ‘Man.’
But then it’s to late to,
find out it’s a sham.

On medication,
we hide out of sight.
Avoiding the questions,
ashamed of our plight.

Courage it takes us
from – ‘Man’ – now to walk.
Open our feelings,
in therapy – talk.

Become our own person,
in our own right.
Finding my own me,
and leaving the fight.

I stand on my own ground.
My battle cry – I – sound.
From ‘Man’ – now – I am – free.
Before you, stands —
ME.

A § M
8/10/2017

 

www.awanderthroughthemind.co.uk/writing

WELSH GOVERNMENT CONTINUE TO FUND CHARITIES AMID CLEAR EVIDENCE OF WORKPLACE BULLYING

WELSH GOVERNMENT CONTINUE TO FUND CHARITIES AMID CLEAR EVIDENCE OF WORKPLACE BULLYING

Rebloged, could you please do the same for this one.
https://awanderthroughthemind.wordpress.com/2017/10/04/cut-cut-cut-part-two/ These are both services that should be available throughout the UK.

WORKPLACE BULLYING WALES

Tomorrow is World Mental Health Day and as readers will know the theme this year is mental health in the workplace. Workplace bullying is on the rise and the third/charity sector seems to be a hotbed of bad practice here in Wales.

hafal1

Take a look at the blog site of John Gilheaney, a former employee of Welsh mental health charity Hafal. Bullying in the workplace has been reported by many staff.

AN OPEN PUBLIC INTEREST CONCERN LETTER TO FIRST MINISTER CARWYN JONES AM

The First Minister Carwyn Jones and other key Ministers have been made aware of the serious allegations against this organisation and yet Hafal still receive considerable Welsh Government funding with no apparent move to investigate these serious complaints. This appears to be the same for other charities.

With extreme pressure on an ever diminishing pot of public money surely the people of Wales should…

View original post 14 more words

Reflections…Week Thirty Nine

canstockphoto8630797This is a reflection of remembrance.

I found out on Thursday that a person whom I shared time with at art class passed away last week.

I did not know him well  but he, and his artistic style, will be remembered for some time.

He had earned himself the nickname of grumpy Pete, but I think it was, once you got to know him better, a tool for his own entertainment. Many a time I saw that whilst he was grumping away, he was also suppressing a smile, I have never seen a truly grumpy person do that.  And after he had said what he wanted to say, he would inevitably look around the room for takers. If none took a bite he would then direct the grump towards an individual. You could even say it was his way to start a conversation.

His artistic style was nearly polar opposite to mine, and in one conversation he also had an effect in the way I tried to approach my work. His painting were splodge’s, dabs, an almost haphazard placement of paint on canvas, layers upon layers of paint. I do not recall ever seeing a smooth painting of his. Nor did I ever see him worrying about blending colours on the canvas to create tone or shadow. Shadows themselves were created by the texture of the pain put onto canvas. Light, and the different angles of it, had a direct effect on his work. This meant that at different times of the day the same picture could have a slightly different look about it, just from the shadows cast.

His passing was of a surprise, he was of about the same age as me, however he suffered from epilepsy and it was one of these fits that ultimately put him in a coma to which he was never to wake from.

The words that he said that altered my perspective on my art could also be applied to life as well. I may not have them as a direct quote but I will do my best.

Here’s to you Pete

You know, people often think that creating art is all about drawing the outline. That they have to draw it as one line. But I found that if you draw lot of little lines, and not worry about where you put them so much, the outline just appears.”

 

www.awanderthroughthemind.co.uk/reflections-2017

Cut, Cut, Cut…Part Two

Ok, you are in a charitable service that is having the funding stopped and you have issues with your Mental Health Service from the NHS. Who do you go to for help?
Luckily we have NSV(North Staffs Voice), Think PALS for mental health.

Well, we have till Christmas, this NON CLINICAL group have had their funding stopped.
Who do we have to help with unsatisfactory mental health then???

NSV are a separate charitable group from ECHO and Brighter Futures but you can see the connection I hope. If the support from these non clinical groups is ended the Support is going to be require at the budget cut hospitals, and if that is insufficient or has a problem with it, then there is nobody to help with the complaints if you stop funding the complaint enablers. Crafty really.

NSV covers all mental health services in North Staffordshire, a small team that goes a long way, and in my experience has had a profound effect to my CLINICAL treatment.

Sometimes in the mental health system a person can get stuck in a Drug Treatment program, that is to say the therapy treatments are not deemed an option.

What do I mean by that?
I have collected a lot of coping mechanisms to help me with daily life since my breakdown. This has resulted in therapy being denied due to me ‘coping’ in day to day life, to which I have ‘the medication to thank for that (according to one person),’ although the coping mechanisms themselves have been highlighted as strategies.
Positive strategies by the psych team but negative strategies (the same ones) by the couple of workshops delivered by the same service, so who is correct? Depends on who you talk to on the day.

To throw in the mix, the changes to my mood and the stability came at the time I was in the mental hospital for six weeks. Here I first developed some of the patterns I still use today.
When I left the hospital I did not return to the previous life I had before entering, everything changed. But it was the meds that got the credit.
My mood plateau’d and I kept questioning the effectiveness of the medication as my reactions are still to people, that has never changed, my coping strategy is to not mix with strangers without support or an exit plan being present, and avoiding crowds whenever possible, especially indoors.

Most of my strategies will not work in a work environment. So no, I don’t think the drugs work and I don’t think I am coping.

I was told right at the beginning, something like seven years ago, that the drugs are not the answer…therapy is the answer.
However I was left with…therapy is not the answer, just take the drugs.

I needed to be heard, without the fear of being sent back to the hospital, a real fear after being sectioned, or of being put on new meds/having the ones that you are on altered to compensate for your mood. NSV supplied that ear then became my voice. In 2014 it was a voice for over 1000 members.

If you or a loved one was ill you would want the best treatment available, and the correct treatment.
If the treatment had seemed to stall or be stuck in the same cycle that has offered no change in that persons mental state, and complaints have no effect because they are coming from the mental health patient, then yes an outside voice is helpful. If only to get a fresh look at the way treatment is received.

North Staffs Voice (formally North Staffs Users Group) is that voice for the service users. An intermediary service between service users and service providers.
Personally I think this service should be made available allover the country, just like PALS.

Mental Health problems can effect anyone at any time.
These are worth while charities that require your donations to carry on their support.

I hope that you will never need them nor anybody in your family.
However there is a 1 in 4 chance you will know somebody who will be affected and will.

 

To contact either charity follow these links

info@brighter-futures.org.uk
http://nsvoice.org.uk/contact-us/

To donate to either of these charities please follow the links bellow.

Brighter Futures Donations
http://nsvoice.org.uk/donate/

 

 

Written by
https://www.awanderthroughthemind.co.uk

Cut, Cut, Cut…Part One

It’s that time of the year again, Budgets cut and services under threat.

Hi, I would like to tell you of a service that, due to it’s not being ‘clinical’, is viewed as surplus to requirements, well actually it is not just one.

The services are called ECHO (Brighter Futures) and
NSV (North staffs Voice)

First ECHO…

Echo is a self harm group (no that is not ‘just cutting’). It can cover a multitude of different ways one places themselves in harms way. Some are more socially acceptable, some less obvious, but all are a way of coping, a way to control something in an uncontrollable life, a way to ‘feel’ something that deadens the pain of something else so that the ‘healing’ process can begin. It is not a cry for attention and ECHO is not a place to swap ideas.

What it is, and probably most importantly, is a place where you will not be judged. You will however receive support and advice on how to break the cycle of self harm. This can come from one-to-one support, complimentary therapies, art groups and workshops that look at the emotions and feelings that can trigger a self harm response.

This group works! It is why if you are over 18 and in North Staffs you have a good chance of being referred to it by the doctor/psychiatrist.

However I have heard that if you self harm and have the support of this NON CLINICAL group, it has been deemed sufficient enough to STOP access to clinical support in some areas.
Just think about that for a minute, it would not be allowed to happen with a physical diagnosis, Oh you are being a sports therapist, well you don’t need the GP then.

 

But that is off topic. This service IS recognised for the work it does. It can
get someone off meds (saving, in my case I was told £500 a month, for one med, unbelievable)
stop visits to the accident unit, and before you judge think how drink related cases are just classed as a ‘weekend thing’,
stop admittance in the mental hospitals
and get people living their life free of self harm

As a side note, it can also improve their life in general, get someone through the educational system and improve their chances to landing a job, then being able to keep it.

If the system is relying more and more on the support that these groups offer as they cut NHS services and the support that they can offer, then where is the logic on putting all the work the NON clinical services have done at risk?

Personally it has been the support of these groups NOT the support of the NHS that have managed to keep me off the prescribed medication that has been dropped off.

I am not dismissing the work of the psychiatrist or psychologists nor the counsellors, but the waiting lists can be long and I currently have four hours a YEAR in appointments and support from the NHS compared to five days a week access to Brighter futures, with appointments not usually required, depends on what I want to talk about.

This is under threat and studies have shown an increase in self harm and it is not a teen thing, far from it.

Echo can help, for now, but it requires support to be there for the next generation coming through and to be there for the generations just starting to ask for help now.

 

 

To contact either charity follow these links

info@brighter-futures.org.uk
http://nsvoice.org.uk/contact-us/

To donate to either of these charities please follow the links bellow.

Brighter Futures Donations
http://nsvoice.org.uk/donate/

 

 

Written by
https://www.awanderthroughthemind.co.uk

Supermarket Meeting…#Poetry#Poem

Supermarket Meeting

I have just seen you,
or maybe I didn’t.
Could be illusion,
of someone who isn’t.

Style of the Eighties,
a decade – long past.
I stand enchanted,
my heartbeat, is fast.

Black T-shirt knotted,
not front, but round back.
Classic are blue jeans,
they’re skinny, not slack.

Mouse blonde is your hair,
T-pau is the style.
Ends with white trainers,
you’ve had for a while.

Sparkling are your eyes,
when flashed with that smile.
I felt a feeling,
not had in a while.

For time that was happy,
I feel my heart pine.
Should I approach you,
deliver that line.

Then is reflected,
the age that I am.
Time of the asking,
has gone with that ham.

Real or remembered,
illusion or not.
You woke a feeling,
I’d left there to rot.

Silent a thank-you,
is sent with a smile.
For thinking that I could;
for just a short while.

A § M
3/10/2017