Positive blogs, humorous if possible, has been the goal for the blogs that get published.
This week was to be about the assertiveness course I attended on thursday, but my son, on one of his bi-monthly sleepovers, is trying to cope with a death, not in the family but of one of his school friends mother, she was known to my son as she also worked at the school. So this is primarily on my mind.
Myself and my ex don’t agree on a lot of things and this covers one of those areas. Boys don’t cry, or rather Big boys don’t cry. I’m in therapy, partially due to locking away emotions, trying to be the Big boy, so naturally have a different view.
The confusion, pain and loss on a mind that does not yet comprehend the cycle of life, death is something to get up from and retry in play, has been evident all day. Subtly I have been letting him know a cuddle is always there and tears with daddy are ok. It is an ongoing reassurance that he can talk openly about anything and ask any questions he wants. If there are areas that have differing views I try to express that, at least a courteous acknowledgement to that fact. It took all day before he could talk about it and I was honest in my reply.
I too have a first memory of a death, although I was a year or two older. The death was that of my Grandfather and it hit me harder than anyone was expecting. I recalled to him that I can still remember the feelings of confusion, sadness, loss, of not understanding what adults where saying, of not knowing what to do with the feelings that where new to me, how to react. Tears came to my eyes as they always do with this particular memory, I didn’t hide them from him. I wiped them away whilst telling him that different people react differently to the same situation but I have learnt now, that talking about ones feelings helps, and crying is ok.
All I can do is let him know I am here for him, for a talk, a hug or just a shoulder to cry on.
My sympathies go out to his friend for the loss of his Mother.